Comments on: Mack’s Kids

By: Kim Soles

Kim Soles — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:20:57 +0000

I like the feeling of this! Revision is the key. Perhaps a bit more; the girl symbolism- a little more deeper? And maybe not. Well done!

By: alisa haller

alisa haller — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:16:51 +0000

Good tale, with alot of interesting twists and turns

By: Peter

Peter — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:10:45 +0000

A vast improvement on the first reading but the questions asked by David Meyer should be addressed; as should the paragraph beginning “The door creaked…” where the narrative is a confusion of the character’s inner dialogue and that of the author imposing himself. All the same, very well done, Michael.

By: Paul D. Brazill

Paul D. Brazill — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:24:55 +0000

Haunting, indeed. I liked this very much.

By: Jean=paul Richard

Jean=paul Richard — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:50:04 +0000

Michael, the story is great as revised. I liked the “eerieness of it the first time, but it tied together a lot better this time around. I thought the kids talied more like kids this time too. Great work.

By: David Meyer

David Meyer — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 06:39:11 +0000

I enjoyed reading the story, but I didn’t get how the two halves, Mack and the kids, were supposed to fit together. Why is the girl’s image sad rather than frightened? Why is Mack so nonchalant about images of frightened children being painted on his rig? Did Mack accidentally kill Tim with his rig? Who was the new kid on the rig, Tim or Ocky? Were the five ghost kids trapped in the vault like Ocky or did they “escape” like Tim? Leaving some questions unanswered is good for mystery, but I felt like I had too many to make sense of what I’d read.

By: Jeanette Cheezum

Jeanette Cheezum — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 02:41:03 +0000

Michael, I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for etting me know it was here.

By: Allie

Allie — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 02:39:57 +0000

Very nice, Michael. The slight changes to the story made all the difference. Good flow, well told and a brilliant idea.