Japan loves Kit Kats, and exotic flavored drinks, and happily enough so do you and me, so let’s get down to some serious snack deconstruction:
This time we have a faux Kit Kat (Choco Wafers) and a Boysenberry Sparkling Soda combo:
So first off- the Choco Wafers. This is another example of ‘name it what its name is’ marketing. Other great examples include- Vacuum and Salt.
As in- ‘pass me the Salt’. Capitalized because Salt is of course a brand name- or was once. Check out the Wikipedia link here. ‘Vacuum’ everyone knows, that’s common or garden.
This ‘name it what its name is’ strategy can be awesomely damaging to ad-companies who make their living taking a thing and re-branding it as an i-phone or something, when it isn’t even a phone.
Here are the choco wafers in their packaging:
People often complain that this is too much packaging, and damaging for the eco, and etc, but I disagree. It’s not enough packaging in my opinion. I’d like to see at least twice the packaging. Why? Because opening choco is like opening presents, and we all love Christmas. Or are there some Christmas haters amongst us? I vilify you!
I took photos of the bars themselves but in the summer humidity they were melted and I thought- ‘yuck, people don’t want to see that.’ So I ate them. How did they taste? They tasted yum, like Kit Kats but not as crunchy and the chocolate had more of a cardboard taste. So not so yum actually.
Boysenberry is a different matter altogether. Here is the Boysenberry bottle again:
Sorry, I got that wrong, not Boysenberry, Poison Berry.
I hoped as I raised this beverage to my lips that it was NOT a subscriber to the school of ‘name it what its name is’ marketing. My hand was shaking. My skin went pale.
I put the bottle down and went to check what kind of Poison Berries there were out there.
- Doll’s Eyes: Berries are highly poisonous, as well as all other parts.
- Elderberry: The roots are poisonous and cause nausea and digestive upset.
- Jerusalem cherry: All parts, especially the berries, are poisonous, causing nausea and vomiting. It is occasionally fatal.
- Holly: Berries cause vomiting, nausea and diarrhea if ingested.
- Ivy: The leaves and berries are poisonous, causing stomach pains, labored breathing, possible coma.
- Daphne: The berries (either red or yellow) are poisonous, causing burns to mouth and digestive tract, followed by coma. Often fatal.
I was a little surprised to find old favorites Holly and Ivy in the poisonous category. Something freaky like Doll’s eyes doesn’t surprise, but when I think Daphne I think of Daphne from Frasier, who wasn’t at all poisonous- rather just sweet. Jersulem cherry I think should know better, being from the Holy city as it is, and Elderberry is clearly old and bitter and past saving.
Also I was surprised to find apple seeds, potato tubers, rhubarb blades, and tomato greenery all poisonous. Crazy. Chris McCandless didn’t stand a chance.
I steeled myself, hefted a pot of liquid charcoal by my side, then quaffed the whole Poison Berry juice. Surprisingly it tasted of Boysenberries! What a pleasant surprise. I suppose it must be like that poisonous fish Fugu , which kills if prepared incorrectly, but doesn’t if prepared correctly.
On the whole, a score of semi-yum for the Choco Wafers, and quite-yum for the Poison Berries, if prepared correctly.
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