Celibate Jayne the Hammerhand @ TQR

MJG Books, Jabbler's Mons, Stories 2 Comments

My story Celibate Jayne the Hammerhand has just gone live at TQR, after months of discussions and rewrites. Wahoo!

It was nearing high-tide on the Sheckledown Sea when Celibate Jayne the Hammerhand finally bashed his way out of the belly of the whale. Ashen face covered with gobbets of blubber and gut, he slithered down the black rubber side of the beached leviathan, a river of purple slime showering down on his head.

He gasped, coughed up a wad of bloody kelp and brine, then slumped himself starfish-splayed on the beach.

Read the full story at TQR.

Comments 2

  1. Hey! That’s a good read; total quality read, I guess. Weren’t some of the criticisms of Celibate Jayne that it was indecipherable? Didn’t seem so to me, but then, you say it’s been reworked. Anyway, excellent balance of description and action–I was compelled to read on and on.

    Here’s a bit of interest: at TQR, on page 17 of the article, at the bottom, it goes like this:

    He kept on.

    END

    For MJG’s bio, turn the page

    So it seemed to me, as I finished that page, that the story was done there. And then it went ahead and continued for one more page. Surely a mistake on the account of the webmasters at TQR. But then, perhaps because I’d already, momentarily assumed that He kept on was the end of it, I kind of felt that that was how it should’ve ended. Now the final page with Elspeth is nice, but to me it seems almost unnecessary. Certainly he allows her touch, and that is important to his character, and what do I know? I guess that premature END really threw me off! And I thought it interesting that it did.

    Anyway: excellent, and congratulations!

  2. Post
    Author

    Thanks Jeremy, I pointed out that mistake to the editor at TQR yesterday, happily he’s fixed it already.

    About the difficulty- it has been reworked a number of times to make it more readable and accessible. Earlier drafts were a lot harder to get into I think. It’s hard to cut, but once done, it’s good. like spending money.

    Interesting that you felt the page 17 END was a strong end. Exactly where to end a story is always an issue. Anyway, glad you enjoyed it!

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